Turnips Suck

Chain Letters Suck

2010-03-10T19:00:00.000-08:00

It's like whoever invented chain letters probably feasts on turnips every Thanksgiving. I detest those bleeding heart fucking emails that get sent to me that say "Don't Break The Chain" Send this sorry piece of shit along to your friends or a little baby might die...

Sorry, I just don't have time to care about this crap, and if any of "MY Friends" are reading this, a word to the wise. DON"T SEND ME THOSE STUPID FUCKING THINGS!! I get enough junk mail. I don't want to add you to my spam folder.

Emails have largely replaced regular mail as a way for people to stay in touch. Have you ever forwarded any the junk mail that arrives at your front door in the mailbox to someone else?? I doubt it...Why then do people forward the "Miracle Story", "The Heartwarming Story" or the "Inspirational Story" hell I cannot think of all of the stupid crap I've received.

If you are going to take the time to send someone an email...Why not write down a few words and say hi...

Bottom Line...Chain Mail Sucks and I think people who continue to forward it suck too..

Cougars Suck

2010-03-04T06:14:00.000-08:00

Well I headed out to Cougar town the other night but not because they would be looking for me. These over made up chicks that are seeking out young meat for a good time are not gonna be looking for me. Not that I think I am old, I am just their age and that's not what they want...and that sucks cause some of them are still pretty hot.

But I liked the band and the Martinis are pretty good so I watched the hot and not so hot cougars hunt down their prey and jump all over them like cats on mice. Try as they might, they still look their age when on the arm of some young hunk. Like a 60 year old guy hanging on a 30 something. I think it looks odd and my first thought is "She likes his money" When a 50 year old woman hangs on a 25 year old guy my first thought is "She wants his rock hard body and his young cock" and then I think FUCK !! That just sucks cause I got at least one of those things!!

I thought about bringing a business card listing me as a Lion Tamer to pass around but there really wasn't any that I wanted to tame after all. I did see a couple Puma's that looked good enough to hunt down but I decided that the one thing I could really count on, My Grey Goose Martini, was really all I needed. I am sure a Cougar or 2 went home with some young buck and she had her way with him but those relationships are so shallow and meaningless that I really don't care..

Don't get me wrong it sucks going home alone but....well but nothing It Sucks and so do Cougars!!

Mystery Sucks

2010-03-02T16:43:00.000-08:00

When something shitty happens, your dog disappears and is never found or in my case the chick you've been dating and having fun with decides one day out of the blue she wants to stop fucking and just be friends and you see that she isn't fucking anyone else and appears "just fine" without you....when you start thinking of all those dinners or drinks you didn't let her pay for or the snow you shoveled out of her driveway, the feeling that maybe you answered THE QUESTION wrong when she asked me...

" Why do you like me, I mean I never grab your cock, I've never given you a blow job? "

and I say..." Well what we have been doing is ok with me " thinking...( running from room to room and fucking doggy style against chairs, kitchen counters and desks has been really quite nice) but I add - "I'd never turn down a blow job but I have been having fun."

Oh and just for the record she grabbed my balls and I liked it BITCH!

So, was this the fuck up ?? THE QUESTION I DIDN'T GET RIGHT ?? Does she detest ever going down on me or anyone...?

I didn't bring blow jobs up to the bitch and I really don't know why the fuck we can't keep running from room to room fucking like dogs and drinking Captain Morgans like silly drunken pirates...It's the mystery of WHY
It's the What THE Fuck MYSTERY of it all that really sucks.

Christmas

2009-12-22T20:53:00.000-08:00

Christmas seems to be for Suckers to spend money they don't have or cannot afford to.

Make Christmas something personal, don't travel to the mall. Go to a local store, a mom and pop place, or just make something yourself. Give money to charity, volunteer to help someone in need but by all means give something to someone that means more than I just stopped by the mega mall and found something at a kiosk I thought you would like.

Don't spend a lot.

Enjoy the food.

Don't be one of those people that just SUCK !

Don't be a Turnip ! I recommend not eating any either !

I'm Behaving Appropriately so F--- You !

2009-08-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

It's not easy deciding what's appropriate and what's not.

I rarely use the F word in front of my parents , they are from a generation where saying F-You is like a mortal sin.

So what's appropriate behavior?

In today's vernacular using the word Fuck has taken on many new meanings. You can be "Fucking Awesome" or "Fucking Useless"

You can tell someone to "Fuck Off!!" if they bother you and without blinking answer someone with "Fuck Yes!!!" when they ask you if you want another beer.

But whenever you use the word fuck in front of my parents you would be breaking their code of what is fucking appropriate and what fucking isn't.

Who makes these codes and who, The Fuck !, put them in charge.

I think newscasters should really be able to emphasize their opinions on TV.

When Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin what newspapers or magazines she reads and Palin said: , "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."

Couric should have been able to say, " What the fuck do you mean all of em???"

It would have been funnier and maybe Palin's supporters would have noticed just how fucking stupid that woman is!!

Fuck Yeah !

When George Bush said: "They misunderestimated me." -Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

Maybe someone should have said What The Fuck , did you just make that up???

or just said George Bush is a Fucking Idiot.

It's just not emphatic enough without using the word FUCK in one form or another.

Being appropriate depends on your perspective and people are judged based largely on peoples perceptions.

I use the word Fuck a LOT and trying to moderate my use of the word so that I can avoid ruffling any ones feathers by being what they deem appropriate, well

That Fucking SUCKS !!

John Pinette on Turnips (Very Funny)

2009-04-09T05:54:00.000-07:00

It was so refreshing to here someone with the same feelings about Turnips

CC Sabathia ---- Sucked

2009-04-07T06:29:00.000-07:00

CC Sabathia 1st Regular Season Game as a NY Yankee

6 runs, 5 Walks, Less than 4 1/3 innings....That really Sucks

Yankees paying 161 Million Dollars for Sabathia to pitch that way on Opening Day,

Actually I think that's GREAT !!

But I like the Red Sox !!

The Yankees SUCK...

What a drag it is getting old...

2009-04-05T20:21:00.000-07:00

The Rolling Stones are wrong...

Getting old -

sucks!!

CaPs Lock SuckS

2009-04-03T20:29:00.000-07:00

You know what sucks !!!

The fUCKING cAPS lOCK bUTTOn IS TOO CLOSE tO tHE sHIFT kEY
tHAT sUCKS!!

aND i AM NOT THE ONLY ONE THAT THINKS SO

pICTURE cREDIT : ihATEtHEcAPSlOCKkEY.COM

Things that Suck at the Grocery Store

2009-04-02T06:39:00.000-07:00

Super Skinny Aisles!

picture courtesy Jeff Keen on Flickr

You get behind someone carrying 1 item into 12 items or less lane and everything looks good until the item won't scan , the cashier calls the manager who takes her sweet time getting there and when they finally get the item ringed up, the customer pays by check. All this happens while you watch the lady in the next aisle zip through her check out with a weeks worth of groceries!

You have a weeks worth of groceries in your cart at the checkout and you are squeezed in between a young couple behind you and an elderly woman in front of you, already checking her groceries through, and you let a loud, obvious fart that even the cashier notices.

The super market is unusually busy and you just finished getting your groceries bagged and paid for and as you are pushing your cart to the car you realize you forgot the ONE thing you were supposed to get when you were sent to the store.

The woman in front of you who talks in broken English settles her $230 dollar grocery bill with a government assistance card that was financed by your taxes, later in the parking lot you see her driving away in a brand new Cadillac Escalade.

People who don't know how to drive their carts through the store without blocking entire aisles and seem completely unaware that there are 15 people stuck behind their fat ass who want to get around them.

People who let there little kids run through the store like it's a friggin playground.

The store employee that is stocking produce and smells like he hasn't showered in a couple weeks, and he's handling the food products.

You get out of the market with your groceries only to find that some left their grocery cart in the parking lot and the wind blew it into the side of your car.

It's a hot summer day and you were sent to get ice cream and as your are walking back to your car, with a bag full of chocolate fudge swirl and butter pecan, you realize you have locked your keys in the car.

Sometimes, going to the grocery store just SUCKS !!

Straight Poop

2009-04-01T06:20:00.000-07:00

Taking a dump, dropping a load, squeezing one out, pooping...were are all familiar with this very natural act. The daily sojourn to the bathroom. A quiet time to sit and read the morning paper, check the sports or just think about what you will be doing for the rest of the day.

With the right mixture of good timing and patience it should be one of the more satisfying parts of your day but then..

Someone bangs on the bathroom door telling you to "Hurry Up" pressuring you to rush the drop. When you have squeezed it out, you reach for toilet paper but there is none because someone didn't replace it when they used it last !

You walk awkwardly to the utility cabinet and get paper out but as you wipe you find you may have not got that clean drop you get when your morning ritual hasn't been interrupted. Several sheets of tissue later you are cleaned up and you flush.

Now with so much paper in the bowl the toilet backs up and you look fast for a plunger, anything, to help get the water down so you won't be standing in a sea of your own shit!!

You successfully are able to get the toilet under control, wash your hands and exit the bathroom and head out the door, get in your car and set off to work.

Half way there, sitting in traffic, you find that your asshole itches, just a little, maybe you didn't get everything off with that last wipe.

Man, doesn't getting interrupted when you are trying to take a shit, just SUCK!!

What Sucks For YOU??

2009-03-29T10:08:00.000-07:00

If I had a staff, I could tell them to come up with ideas and give me a list every day but I don't, and that sucks!

It sucks because I know there are people that want to be reminded of things out there that they may have forgotten about but still continue to suck.

It sucks because those few people out there may have been turning to me for a gentle reminder of what sucks only to find that I didn't have anything new for them.

It sucks, because while I am busy hitting myself on the side of the head trying to get my creative juices flowing and I just end up with sore knuckles, a slight headache and nothing to write.

Truth be told, I would have a staff but I cannot afford to pay them and that really sucks !!

What would be helpful, is a little response from the Internet community, why not share some of the things that suck for you??

No comments, that just really sucks, don't you think??

If you leave a comment you will get

A guaranteed response on your website.
A new click for your stat counter.
A comment on one of your posts..

None of those thing SUCK, so what are you waiting for?

What out there in the world do you think SUCKS ??

Opinions Suck

2009-03-18T10:04:00.001-07:00

I guess it's obvious from the title of this post what my opinion of opinions is.

You don't have to like it.

We all have opinions and there is nothing that we can do about it. What we should guard against is sharing them too much with others.

Frankly, my opinions don't bother me nearly as much as other peoples opinions.

That is unless they agree with me, without stipulations attached.

Those people are cool.

Everyone else sucks !

Do you know what sucks??

2009-02-27T08:28:00.000-08:00

"Unemployment: The hours are good but the wages suck!"

Loesjie, Dutch fictional Character, 1983

"I think celebrities suck"

Singer Eddie Vedder from Pearl Jam

"The status quo sucks"

Comedian George Carlin

"There are guys in the game only because of steroids. They couldn't make it with their natural talent so they had to enhance themselves. It sucks"

Baseball Pitcher, David Wells

"Always be yourself ....unless you suck."

Writer, Joss Whedon

"Mean people suck."

Writer, Jim Goad

"Most people think life sucks then you die. Not me. I beg to differ. I think life sucks, then you get cancer, then your dog dies, then your wife leaves you, the cancer goes into remission, you get a new dog, you get remarried, you owe 10 million dollars in medical bills but you work hard for 35 years and you pay it back and then--one day-- you have a massive stroke and the whole right side of your body is paralyzed, you have to limp along the streets and speak out of the left side of your mouth and drool but you go to rehabilitation and regain the power to walk and the power to talk and then--one day--you step off a curb on sixty-seventh street and BANG you get hit by a city bus and then you die, maybe."

Comedian, Dennis Leary

"See, I'm not the only one that notices things that suck !!"

Me, Mr Man

Things that Suck

2009-02-11T19:28:00.000-08:00

Taxes, suck because all I see them doing is getting spent on things I don't endorse...Like inflated salaries for inept and or corrupt CEO's, health benefits for politicians, cops, war and a whole lot of things I'd rather see less of.

Baggy fucking pants hanging half way down some skinny white dude trying to look gangsta. That "LOOK" just Sucks !! Try running from the cops with your pants down around your ankles asshole. Buy a belt and pull up those stupid pants...

MTV SUCKS...I mean they don't even have music anymore and with shows like Punk'd, Homewrecker and Daddy's Girls they will continue to suck for a long long time.

People who are nervous all the time, suspicious, don't drink, never smoked pot, worry more about animals than people, holy rollers, are snooty or superficial, oh I could go on and on, currently there are a lot of people out there that SUCK...

Ted Kennedy Sucks, I don't care how much money he brings back to Massachusetts from the federal budget, bottom line, those are my tax dollars and they ain't doin shit for me...He's FAT, has a major drinking problem, and anyone who voted for him sucks too !! Please remember Mary Jo Kopechne.

Turnips suck, poor man's potato, don't argue with me!!

OIL Companies suck.

Vinyl Siding Sucks

Dentists suck because they charge way too much fucking money for their services. ASSHOLES!

Anyone who works for, supports and or endorses Health Maintenance Organizations SUCK, they have ruined health care and driven up the price of health care for the uninsured. If Richard Nixon wasn't dead already I'd wish he was for opening the door to HMO's and turning Health Care into a Profit Making opportunity. What a Dick!

God Sucks !! That's right, take a look around, hungry, starving, diseased, mistreated, abused people everywhere...What the fuck is he thinking??

The fact that Marijuana is illegal only increases the amount of crime around it. If it was legal it would create legal businesses and dare I say contribute taxes to a society that currently takes my tax money and tries to stop people from smoking pot. Can anyone say that Prohibition worked?? If you do than you suck too!!

So many things suck and I just don't have the time to point them all out, and that sucks !!

What sucks in your life??

Women Suck !

2009-01-28T12:55:00.000-08:00

Well the Good ones do anyway !!

Christmas SUCKS

2008-12-15T13:34:00.001-08:00

The way people drive in parking lots during the Christmas season Sucks.

The fact that some people take the time out of their lives and create a controversy about saying "Happy Holidays" vs "Merry Christmas" Sucks.

Wouldn't it be better if people who complain about such things just died out ?? I mean not all at once, but whenever the freak gene occurs that creates people like this, that could also be the gene that prevents them from reproducing.

Unfortunately it doesn't work that way and here we are in the "Holiday Season" surrounded by people hurriedly trying to come up with ideas for presents for others, who in some cases they really don't like. Like co workers or bosses.

Many feel that if everyone else sucks up to the boss that they should too, or they will look bad!

That Sucks, and if you are one of those people who are about to buy a present you really don't want to buy, all I can say is DON'T DO IT!!

No ONe like a Suck Up and BEING A SUCK UP....That Sucks

Tell people at work that instead of buying presents for people at work, you donate to a local food bank or homeless shelter.

That'll keep em' quiet.

My kids are getting Cards with a little money from me and they can use it for whatever they want, a new shirt, some gourmet coffee, buy their kids something or maybe just a big bottle of Rum!!

Really, just seeing an ad for someone getting a LEXUS as a Christmas gift just makes me sick, but that ad is out there. Along with Jewlers pushing their Diamonds and Gold Chains.

Chrstmas today just SUCKS

Truly I wish I could just get lost somewhere for the month of December but instead I stick around and just treat it like Thanksgiving, enjoy the food and the family all the while trying to seperate myself from the "Christmas Shopping related conversations"

What do I want for Christmas you ask??

How about a BJ from that bitch in the Lexus that almost ran over my foot in the parking lot last Saturday in her rush to get a good parking spot so she could pick up a collectable Martini Glass for the Boss she hates.

Yeah, I don't think I'll find that in my stocking. And THAT SUCKS !!!!

Cause she was pretty hot!!

World Toilet Day!! Who gives a shit??

2008-11-20T09:10:00.001-08:00

That's right people there really was World Toilet Day. It was November 19, 2008 and I missed it !!

I am sure you have heard about the W.T.O. and I am not talking about those nitwits over at the World Trade Organization...No, I'm talking about The World Toilet Organization

The ones who speak for the flushing impaired, the people who stand behind your rights to flush.

Directly from the web site to you I give you their Mission, their Theme:

World Toilet Organization (WTO) stands up for the 3 "WE (s)" in the theme "We Deserve Better".

WE: Toilets deserve better social status. WTO has been striving to elevate the status of toilets to make them status symbols and objects of desire. WTO speaks on behalf of toilets "WE DESERVE BETTER SOCIAL STATUS".

News flash...Toilets will be coming out with new GPS features and you can track where your shit goes!!

WE: The second WE are the toilet cleaners. WTO aims to professionalize the sanitation and restroom industry and to upgrade the skill sets of the restroom cleaners. WTO speaks on behalf of the toilet cleaners "WE DESERVE BETTER PAY, RESPECT AND PROSPECTS".

News Flash: Toilet Tech lines will be available on the newest toilets in case of problem and this will give thousand of Job Opportunities to those in India that couldn't get a job as a Dell or Microsoft phone representative.

WE: WTO speaks on behalf of 2.5 billion toilet-less people, "WE DESERVE BETTER PLACES TO DEFECATE -- PROPER TOILETS".

News Flash: US Sending thousands of used toilets overseas in an effort to help !!

Rep. Earl Blumenauer a democrat from Oregon participated in the "Sanitation is Dignity" celebration in Washington D.C. on the Capitols West Front.

I am sure that " Oregonians" sent him to Washington with the expectation that he would help others have a place to take a nice dump when they need to.

I on the other hand hope that are politicians focus a bit more of their attention on National Healthcare solutions, the growing financial crisis in the United States, and oh yes the 2 WARS we are involved in.....

I missed all the World Toilet Day celebrations....That SUCKS !!

Mr Man says Politicians Suck (revised)

2008-08-29T11:16:00.000-07:00

Democrats & Republicans all bought for you by....

The Military Industrial Complex

The Pharmaceutical Companies

The Healthcare Industry

And LOTS of MONEY...

What America will get with a new President???.....More Rhetoric, More Political Pandering to Big Business, More of the same crap we have had in office for over 30 years in this country.

Not just the Presidency, but the House and the Senate. We no longer live in a Democracy.

The United States is an Oligarchy, run by the Rich and Powerful.

Our voices, OUR VOTES, while we still have them, can only change things if we pull our collective heads out of the sand and begin to see the reality of what is happening in this country and vote for someone outside the mainstream.

People will tell you that you are "Throwing your vote away" if you vote for one of the candidates on the fringe, an independent...

Ralph Nader, now running for a third time is barely mentioned by the mainstream press, whether you would vote for him or not, he is the Independent Party Candidate.

Many people are surprised when they get in the voting booth and find out there are candidates they never heard of before because , candidates from the Green Party, Liberterian and Independent Parties are treated as "fringe" candidates and are given cursory mention, if any, on television and radio.

An excerpt from a statement made by Ralph Nader in July where he was congratulating Cynthia McKinney's nomination as the Green Party's Candidate

"Third party candidates usually are more forthright and they highlight social justice issues that are regularly ignored or contravened by the two major parties. As history shows from the anti-slavery Liberty Party of the 1840's to the women's suffrage and farmer and labor parties up to the early 20th century, eventually the big ideas of these little parties break through."

"Although the Nader/Gonzalez and Green Party platforms have many similarities, we are not competing for votes, but instead we are allies joined in a common struggle to tap the huge and growing numbers of millions of unsatisfied voters who want to vote for something better than the lesser of two-evils. The more progressive voices and choices, the more widespread will be the definition of freedom as participation in power."

Nader was blamed for taking votes away from Al Gore's bid for the Presidency, but that's crazy !!

While I believe Gore may have been a better choice than Bush He was still just the the lesser of 2 evils, another Politician , bought and paid for by Corporate America.

When asked about being a spoiler in this election Nader said,

" The real spoilers are the two major parties, who've allowed the big corporations to take over our government and turn it against its own people. They've spoiled the election. They've spoiled the government."

Ralph Nader is 74, older than McCain, his chances of getting elected are slimer than the newest I-Phone but my vote will be for him because he wants to give this country back to the people and take it away from the corporate criminals that are running it now.

The more votes we can cast another way will be the sign that things must change. If we keep voting for the same old Parties they will never change, EVER!!

Don't vote for a Democrat or a Republican, send a message to Washington, to the Nation that you are unhappy with your choices this time....Hell vote for yourself !!

Definitely VOTE !! Vote angry, vote against the mainstream and stop voting for these corporate frontmen that call themselves Democrats and Republicans.

They just make me sick to my stomach, they SUCK so BAD!!

No Credit to the Cheerleaders, That Sucks

2008-08-21T04:20:00.000-07:00

Sure Kerri Walsh and Misty May Treanor won a Gold last night in the 2008 Olympics, and big Congrats to them. They played in the rain, in sexy little Olympic Suits. Misty even had a rather provocative victory dance...I thought they were great.

But what about all the unseen work that the Olympic Cheerleaders do outside of the camera lens.

If it wasn't for the pictures below we would hardly know that there are girls out there working hard to support, inspire and enthuse both the athletes and their fans.

Here we can plainly see the Photographers completely ignoring these hard working girls in the Berlin Olympic Stadium.

Thanks to .ack-online.de's photostream

....They weren't totally ignored

The Cheerleaders at the Beijing 2008 Olympics are working hard !!

Thanks to rich115's Flickr Photostream

They Trained, competed against each other and not everyone makes the team!!

Thanks to BSR 12's photostream

And Thanks Girls, the fact that you don't get any medals, well THAT SUCKS, but I appreciate your hard work and dedication.

You all get the Gold from me !!

Barking Dogs and their Stupid Owners

2008-08-06T12:58:00.001-07:00

You Know the ones, those dogs that just bark at everything and anyone. No matter how many times they have seen the little girl next door walk down the street, no matter how many times they have seen the same Postman. Bark bark bark bark bark!!!

No matter how fucking nice you are to the little shits they just don't stop.

Barking for no reason, again and again..

Those dogs SUCK. But really what sucks even more are the people who find it cute.

There is nothing cute about a dog barking and working themselves into a fury over NOTHING but the usual course of events.

Admittedly I don't understand any Dog Languages and they truly don't understand us. It's probably as frustrating to them as it is to us.

They are dogs and we are people. They respond to commands which are a combination of verbal and hand signals. They respond more to tones and body language than to Syntax. Dogs must learn from humans how to act around humans. We are the masters of their universe. So really I can't blame the stupid dog for barking...The owners, those humans who said one day,

"Let's buy a puppy"

And as soon as they got it trained to shit and piss outside they stopped training the poor fucker.

It never learned any manners, doesn't respond to commands. Not really it's fault.

No it's their stupid owners.

Owners that don't learn to control their pets SUCK !!

They SUCK Worse than Turnips, and Turnips Suck BAD !

Losing Sucks

2008-05-24T05:33:00.000-07:00

Admit it! Losing Sucks.

Here's the thing, you buy a $2.00 Instant Scratch ticket from the lottery.

You Scratch it.

You lose.

That sucks, no other way to look at it.

You may say "That will teach you not to gamble!! "

My reply would be ..."Really, cause I've lost $2 bucks and beyond and I still gamble??"

Sure,I admit gambling with money you can't afford to lose is a bad idea. How about buying silly stuff like bottled water, which I think is a ridiculous waste of money, why not spend all the money I save not buying things like bottled water or packaged FAT from the dollar menus of Fast Food Restauraunts all over the country and spend it on the Lottery!!

Why Not??

The thing is you have to be ready for the "This Sucks" feeling when you lose.

You can have that feeling after losing at anything, in fact you probably do. It sucks to lose!

All I want is for people to admit it.

When I beat someone in anything from Basketball to Risk it's okay to be a little upset, just be upset with yourselves, I mean you lost!!

Try again, just be sure to understand when you play against someone or take a chance on the lottery or the slot machines...You Could Lose and believe me losing sucks!!

But never taking chances...That SUCKS even more.

Live a little and good luck!!

Mosquitoes In Heaven??That would SUCK

2008-05-05T09:10:00.000-07:00

I was taking a shower today and the idea that there might be Mosquitoes in Heaven nearly overwhelmed me.

Who cares that there is a war in Iraq or that Bush is an ass or that maybe the USA is being run by a bunch of Corporations that yank our elected officials around like puppets on a string...

We already KNOW THAT!!

No, Shower time is thinking time, thinking about shit that matters!!

What if there are mosquitoes in HEAVEN!!! That WOULD SUCK !!

Imagine being a Suicide bomber fresh of the blast and ascending to heaven to meet those 72 Virgins you were promised after you blew up yourself in an attempt to kill a bunch of other people. And all of the sudden you were swarmed over by a bunch of MOSQUITOES.

WTF!!

Of course the process of killing yourself and a bunch of others should land you in hell...but that's not what I'm hearing out of the Martyr Camps...

So back to the Mosquitoes.....I guess they are one of God's creatures and Sucking Blood is what they do to survive...Maybe some Mosquitoes are gluttonous and they do go to hell, but for the most part I guess they are doing there job....

I guess we have ranchers out west slaughtering cows every day so we can eat Steaks and Burgers...Just doing their jobs...But do you think they might run into those Cows in heaven??

Heaven might not be all that it's been written up to be...I know while I am still hear I'm going to kill as many mosquitoes as I need too, eat as many Burgers as I can...

I'll deal with the repercussions later.

As far as that goes, I'll take on as many Virgins as I can while I am still able too...I certainly won't blow myself up to get them later...That just seems a bit contrived to me!!

Mosquitoes...They SUCK anywhere!!

Stalkers Suck

2008-04-30T10:01:00.000-07:00

No matter what kind of stalker you are, I wonder if you understand that you SUCK.. That's right Stalkers SUCK!!

You could be a

1. News/Photography Stalkers: Celebrity Stalkers Suck!!..Ask Princess Di, oh that's right we can't!!

2. Resentful or Ex-Lover Stalkers: Or maybe current but not only lover Stalker, Lisa Marie Nowak the crazy diaper wearing Astronaut Stalker! You know those ones that feel they have been dumped on or left out in the cold..The ones that just don't get that the relationship is over or should be...

Really if you become aware that you are being two-timed do you really want to eliminate the competition in order to be with the one that was two timing you...Hello??

3. Celebrity Stalker:They probably Suck, Ask Uma Thurman or David Lettermen. I am pretty sure they would tell you they SUCK too..I've been calling them over and over but they won't take my calls, so I am just assuming that Celebrity Stalkers Suck. I bet Princess Di would agree, but again, she's dead.

4. Child Stalkers...No need to explain..They SUCK

I think if you attach Stalker to the end of just about any noun you are going to have a description of someone or something that is fairly creepy and just plane sucks.

The Pig-Stalker
The House-Stalker
The Turnip Stalker
The Llama Stalker

If you have ever been labeled a stalker than it's a pretty good bet you SUCK!

If you have just read this then leave a COMMENT and don't be a LURKER, A Lurker is just one step shy of being labeled a Stalker.

You don't want to SUCK do you??

Comments make me like you!!

Something caught in my tooth...That Sucks!!

2008-04-25T19:17:00.000-07:00

Yeah that's right, no picture with this post. I'm not going to take a picture of me sticking long sharp objects in between my teeth digging around for that piece of popcorn I have stuck in there.

I can tell you right now..IT SUCKS. At least I am at home an I have a toothpick and no one is watching.

How about when you are the movies and you are munching away and then you feel that wayward piece of corn stuck somewhere in that nether region between teeth and gum...

Sure, you can feel it fine with your tongue..but somehow it's unreachable. You can't pry it loose with your tongue, finger, the straw from your drink..All of the sudden you have missed out on what is going on around you, obsessed with getting that fucking thing out of your mouth.

You suck up some of that soda and swish it around in your mouth...It holds tight.

Face it, you know what I mean and you know I am right.

Plain and simple, getting something caught between tooth and gum sucks...

Oh and Dental Floss!! How about when that breaks off between your teeth, gets lodged right in there with the corn crumb, gristle, sunflower seed or whatever ..Talk about cure being worse than the disease.

How about when a toothpick doesn't do the trick??? Sucks doesn't it.

What can you do to avoid this problem..Not Much!!

Avoid Pop Corn, Go on a Jello and Mashed Potato diet or maybe a Liquid Diet..really I cannot think of any better solutions..

That's it...More sucky stuff soon

Reality TV Sucks

2008-04-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

The Amazing Race, Hell's Kitchen, Top Model, Bachelor, Survivor Somewhere, , Big Brother, Ghost Hunters, American IDOL...Give me a break!!

First these shows are ridiculous!!

Their popularity calls into question the intelligence of the human race!!

It shows people cat fighting, scheming against each other...It is a highlight reel of all that is bad about human interaction. It teaches us how to lie and deceive each other in order to achieve our goals.

It's cheap for the networks because they don't have to script it, of course you know they do in some cases!!

Really, ask yourself this. In what Real World are you ever followed around with a camera..Truly..How real would you act...or would that be what you are doing...Acting??

Me, I'd rather watch a little fantasy rather than being subjected to all this quasi-reality garbage...I get enough reality every day when I look in my wallet!!

Reality sucks...I'll take fantasy any day!

What you can do to stamp out Reality TV.

Contact: NBC, CBS, FOX, SCI FI Channel

Tell them their Reality Shows Suck, FOR REAL!!

Stop watching them because if you watch them you might start sucking too!!

Write a post on your blog about how Reality TV Sucks for you!!

There, That's it!! Problem Solved.

Turnips, why they suck and what you can do!

2008-04-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

This is not a place to share your favorite Turnip Recipes.

I implore you not to waste your time covering up the flavor of turnip by melting perfectly good butter on them. Don't use good gravy or creamy cheeses to mask the terrible taste of turnips, it's just a waste of good gravy and tasty cheese.

Don't ruin a good beef stew with Turnips!!

Turnips Suck !!

They taste terrible !!

Now that I have that off my chest I want to explain what is happening here.

Like Turnips, there are many things out there in this world that SUCK and I mean even worse than turnips. It's here that I will identify the stuff that sucks and hope that by doing this I have helped make the world a little less sucky than it is already.

How will I do that you ask???

Well you, the reader, play a large role in this.

Stop eating turnips they are better fed to livestock.

Tell your local turnip farmers to try growing potatoes, potatoes don't suck.

Find other uses for turnips, ie, maybe an alternative fuel.

Rip any turnip recipes out of your cookbooks, or just use potato in place of where they ask for turnip.

Let your local grocer know how you feel about turnips.

Write a post on your own blog about how sucky turnips are!!

It is by doing these things that we can avoid getting a stew with those horrid vegetables in them...

You may hear that turnips are good for you if you are dieting.. I would agree, if I was presented with a "Turnip Diet" I would lose weight because I would not eat those foul tasting root vegetables!!