Chain Letters Suck

It's like whoever invented chain letters probably feasts on turnips every Thanksgiving. I detest those bleeding heart fucking emails that get sent to me that say "Don't Break The Chain" Send this sorry piece of shit along to your friends or a little baby might die...

Sorry, I just don't have time to care about this crap, and if any of "MY Friends" are reading this, a word to the wise. DON"T SEND ME THOSE STUPID FUCKING THINGS!! I get enough junk mail. I don't want to add you to my spam folder.

Emails have largely replaced regular mail as a way for people to stay in touch. Have you ever forwarded any the junk mail that arrives at your front door in the mailbox to someone else?? I doubt it...Why then do people forward the "Miracle Story", "The Heartwarming Story" or the "Inspirational Story" hell I cannot think of all of the stupid crap I've received.

If you are going to take the time to send someone an email...Why not write down a few words and say hi...

Bottom Line...Chain Mail Sucks and I think people who continue to forward it suck too..

Cougars Suck

Well I headed out to Cougar town the other night but not because they would be looking for me. These over made up chicks that are seeking out young meat for a good time are not gonna be looking for me. Not that I think I am old, I am just their age and that's not what they want...and that sucks cause some of them are still pretty hot.

But I liked the band and the Martinis are pretty good so I watched the hot and not so hot cougars hunt down their prey and jump all over them like cats on mice. Try as they might, they still look their age when on the arm of some young hunk. Like a 60 year old guy hanging on a 30 something. I think it looks odd and my first thought is "She likes his money" When a 50 year old woman hangs on a 25 year old guy my first thought is "She wants his rock hard body and his young cock" and then I think FUCK !! That just sucks cause I got at least one of those things!!

I thought about bringing a business card listing me as a Lion Tamer to pass around but there really wasn't any that I wanted to tame after all. I did see a couple Puma's that looked good enough to hunt down but I decided that the one thing I could really count on, My Grey Goose Martini, was really all I needed. I am sure a Cougar or 2 went home with some young buck and she had her way with him but those relationships are so shallow and meaningless that I really don't care..

Don't get me wrong it sucks going home alone but....well but nothing It Sucks and so do Cougars!!

Mystery Sucks

When something shitty happens, your dog disappears and is never found or in my case the chick you've been dating and having fun with decides one day out of the blue she wants to stop fucking and just be friends and you see that she isn't fucking anyone else and appears "just fine" without you....when you start thinking of all those dinners or drinks you didn't let her pay for or the snow you shoveled out of her driveway, the feeling that maybe you answered THE QUESTION wrong when she asked me...

" Why do you like me, I mean I never grab your cock, I've never given you a blow job? "

and I say..." Well what we have been doing is ok with me " thinking...( running from room to room and fucking doggy style against chairs, kitchen counters and desks has been really quite nice) but I add - "I'd never turn down a blow job but I have been having fun."

Oh and just for the record she grabbed my balls and I liked it BITCH!

So, was this the fuck up ?? THE QUESTION I DIDN'T GET RIGHT ?? Does she detest ever going down on me or anyone...?

I didn't bring blow jobs up to the bitch and I really don't know why the fuck we can't keep running from room to room fucking like dogs and drinking Captain Morgans like silly drunken pirates...It's the mystery of WHY
It's the What THE Fuck MYSTERY of it all that really sucks.

Christmas

Christmas seems to be for Suckers to spend money they don't have or cannot afford to.

Make Christmas something personal, don't travel to the mall. Go to a local store, a mom and pop place, or just make something yourself. Give money to charity, volunteer to help someone in need but by all means give something to someone that means more than I just stopped by the mega mall and found something at a kiosk I thought you would like.

Don't spend a lot.

Enjoy the food.

Don't be one of those people that just SUCK !

Don't be a Turnip ! I recommend not eating any either !

I'm Behaving Appropriately so F--- You !

It's not easy deciding what's appropriate and what's not.

I rarely use the F word in front of my parents , they are from a generation where saying F-You is like a mortal sin.

So what's appropriate behavior?

In today's vernacular using the word Fuck has taken on many new meanings. You can be "Fucking Awesome" or "Fucking Useless"

You can tell someone to "Fuck Off!!" if they bother you and without blinking answer someone with "Fuck Yes!!!" when they ask you if you want another beer.

But whenever you use the word fuck in front of my parents you would be breaking their code of what is fucking appropriate and what fucking isn't.

Who makes these codes and who, The Fuck !, put them in charge.

I think newscasters should really be able to emphasize their opinions on TV.

When Katie Couric asked Sarah Palin what newspapers or magazines she reads and Palin said: , "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."

Couric should have been able to say, " What the fuck do you mean all of em???"

It would have been funnier and maybe Palin's supporters would have noticed just how fucking stupid that woman is!!

Fuck Yeah !

When George Bush said: "They misunderestimated me." -Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

Maybe someone should have said What The Fuck , did you just make that up???

or just said George Bush is a Fucking Idiot.

It's just not emphatic enough without using the word FUCK in one form or another.

Being appropriate depends on your perspective and people are judged based largely on peoples perceptions.

I use the word Fuck a LOT and trying to moderate my use of the word so that I can avoid ruffling any ones feathers by being what they deem appropriate, well

That Fucking SUCKS !!

John Pinette on Turnips (Very Funny)

It was so refreshing to here someone with the same feelings about Turnips

CC Sabathia ---- Sucked

CC Sabathia 1st Regular Season Game as a NY Yankee

6 runs, 5 Walks, Less than 4 1/3 innings....That really Sucks

Yankees paying 161 Million Dollars for Sabathia to pitch that way on Opening Day,

Actually I think that's GREAT !!

But I like the Red Sox !!

The Yankees SUCK...